Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 21st Century
by DarkLink519
Summary: Link must travel all over the world to awaken the five sages and bring peace to the world by defeating Ganon, the king of evil. OOT parody, which means lots of juicy plot twists! R&R please, thnx!
1. Link has a Dream

Chapter One: Link has a Dream

_He was standing in the middle of the street, though he had no idea why nor did he seem to have the capability of moving out of the way. There was no sound but the steady patter of raindrops on the ashfalt and the occasional roar of thunder and lightning. He had never been to this place before, and there didn't seem to be any street signs indicating his position either... but maybe that was just because it was too foggy to tell. Or to see anything at all, for that matter._

_Just what was this? _

_And why was he holding...a gun...?_

_Link had never touched a firearm in his life, let alone used one. And yet here he was, standing inexplicably in the middle of some deserted road holding a weapon he wasn't even licensed to use. Realizing this, he dropped it onto the pavement, hoping nobody had seen him with it. _

_In his other hand was something else: a cell-phone. Sure, he had used one of these before, but he didn't own one... there was no way he could afford --_

_"Get out of the way!"_

_He turned around instantly to the source of the yell to see a white car with a young woman in the passenger's seat. He had no time to respond as he ducked to the side and watched it blow past on his left. As the car sped away, he saw the young girl lean out of the window and toss something on the road behind her. It landed curiously right in front of his feet, almost as if he were meant to pick it up._

_"A bus ticket?" he said to himself as he regarded the piece of paper in his hands. "Expires November 10th, 2014.... that's in seven years..."_

_Just then, he heard another motor coming from behind and was about to step out of the way when a black limo pulled up beside him. A man rolled down the vehicle's window and spoke to him. _

_"Did you see a white car pass by here just a moment ago?"_

_Link said nothing, afraid. _

_"Answer me, kid, or I'll have to use force..."_

_"No," he said, standing his ground. He wouldn't betray the girl to her persuers, especially since she just dropped a buss ticket at his feet that was good for another seven years..._

_The man opened the car door and stepped outside, removing his sunglasses to reveal a cool glare. He looked big and intimidating. Something told Link that gun might not be such a bad idea right now... _

_He reached down for the gun, but surprisingly, it wasn't there._

_"Hands up."_

_Looks like the man had gotten to it first..._

_"Who are you?" Link stuttered._

_"The name's Ganon," he answered, holding the rifle to Link's stomach. "Now, if you want to escape with your life, I suggest you point me in the direction of those girls."_

_Link slowly raised his hand in the direction opposite of where the white car had driven, hoping Ganon would fall for his bluff. _

_"I'll take your word for it," the man said, lowering the rifle and snapping it in two before climbing back into the limo. "If I don't find her, I'll be back."_

_Ganon rolled up the window and was gone. _


	2. Link Gets a Job

Chapter Two: Link Gets a Job

Link awoke with a start. He was surprised to find himself not in the middle of the road, but instead sitting up straight in his bed.

A trickle of sweat fell down his forhead and dripped off the tip of his nose. The dream had been so vivid, and it had felt so real, like it was actually happening...

He paused dead in his thoughts. Link had just realized he was staring directly at a bright yellow cell phone, the exact same one that had appeared in his dream, or so it looked like. Not only did he not own a cell phone, but he had never seen one of such color... there was a sort of glow to it, one that held him captivated and breathless.

Now, he was afraid.

Link decided that he would dispose of the thing immediately. This couldn't be a coincidence, and he didn't want to get mixed up in anything. What was more, he had never seen the phone before except in his dreams, so that meant someone had entered his house while he was sleeping. For all he knew, there could be a time bomb attatched to the back that would detonate as soon as he picked it up.

He had already jumped out of bed and was about to drop it in the wastepaper basket when he saw something attatched to the battery on the back. It was a piece of paper, tied on with a bit of string. It looked to be a note, presumably from whoever had left the phone in his bedroom.

He'd better read it before throwing it out, just in case.

Link flipped it open and regarded the silver buttons curiously, cradling it in his hands. It was a nice phone; maybe it would be a waste to throw it out, especially since it looked like it had just been bought new. It might be a gift from someone he hadn't seen in a long time, an old friend perhaps.

He turned the phone around and slipped the paper out from underneath the string. The handwriting was extremely small but neat enough to read clearly.

_Dear Link,_

_We spoke with your previous boss, Randal H. Dolaney, and he highly reccomends you. So, on account of your exstensive knowledge of trees and of your previous experiences as a floral artist, we have decided to give you the job. This new phone is simply a token of gratitude and celebration of your first day. We hope to enjoy many years working with you in the future. Please arrive to work on time today at 9:00 am sharp to begin your work as a research agent. _

_Signed, _

_Ray, E. Deku, president of the Kokiri Foresting Industry_

Link almost jumped up and whooped on the spot, competely forgetting about the strange dream. He'd got the job! Grinning, he looked around to the clock on his bedside table and his jaw dropped instantly.

It read 8:49 am.

Quickly he stripped and pulled on his best tie and jacket, pocketing the phone. No time to shower - that would have to wait until after work. He strapped on his belt and remembered his keys on the dresser, shoving them in his pocket and racing out the door.

He forgot to lock it on the way out...


	3. The Prank Caller

Chapter Three: The Prank Caller

_Jest act natural, _he told himself as he stepped through the threshold. _You're only three minutes late..._

The building was big, and compicated-looking. The main lobby was wide and neat; there were stairs to the next floor on the right but an much-too-obvious sign too his left pointed to the elivator on the other side of the room. Other than that sign, the room was next to empty. There was one sitting chair stationed just next to the entrance that looked like it had taken a few years to much wear; it might break if anyone much heavier than him were to sit on it.

Link was looking around for someone who might be able to give him advice on where to head next when he felt his cell phone buzzing in his pocket. As he was about to pick it up a very high-pitched voice eminated from somewhere in the room.

"Hey! Listen!"

He glanced around the empty lobby - there didn't seem to be anyone nearby...

"Watch out!"

There it was again! It sounded like somebody had breathed helium in through a baloon. "Who said that?" he called out.

"Hey!"

He listened closely as the voices continued, trying to track down the source of the noise. It appeared as if whoever was talking was right there next to him, but there was no one...

"Watch out!"

He stared down at the cell phone in his open hand in bewilderment. Quickly looking around to make sure no one was watching, he spoke into the phone's mouthpiece. "You said that?"

"Hey! Listen!"

Link jumped back in surprise, shocked. One, he was talking to a phone as if it were a person.

Two, the phone was talking.

"Watch out!"

The phone suddenly stopped buzzing and the voices subsided. He held the phone up to his ear and listened closely for a moment, but there was nothing. _That was weird... _he thought, shaking his head. _Could it be some sort of prank...?_

Suddenly the cell started to buzz again. "Hey!"

Link stood, speechless, for at least ten seconds before realizing his mistake. The phone wasn't talking; itwas his ring tone! He almost laughed aloud at his own stupidness. Yes, the ring tone. That must be it. He would have to change it later...

Remembering that someone was trying to call him, he picked up the phone and said, "hello?"

The same high-pitched voice rang through the earpiece. "Wake up! Link, wake up! How can Hyrule really expect such a lazy boy to save them..."

"Excuse me?"

"I am Navi, your new Guardian Fairy! Now hurry, we haven't much time! We must travel to the Great Deku Tree--"

Shaking his head in exhasperation, he hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket. Some prank caller was just messing with his head, that was it.

Or was he going crazy?

Both seemed like very plausible explanations...


	4. Ray E Deku

Chapter Four: Ray E. Deku

Ray E. Deku, president of the Kokiri Foresting Industry, sat with his feet propped up on a pile of books that stood erected on his desktop. In his lap lay a half-eaten Hershey's Chocolate Bar and in his hand was a very large black coffee mug from which he sipped slowly. He awaited the arrival of the new employee patiently.

_And I thought this one would be different, _Ray thought to himself, _how clearly the resume was worked out... but no, of course on... he's just the same as all the rest. Tardy and unprepared._

"Mr. Deku," the microphone on his incom buzzed loudly, "someone is here to see you..."

He picked up the speaker. "Great," he spoke into it, "send him down immediately."

"Very well."

After waiting another three minutes passed and Ray had started to resume work on his Hershey's bar when there came a knock on the door to his office. He yanked open the top drawer to his desk and shoved the remaining bits of candy in with its contents, hastingly sweeping off any visible crumbs left on top of his papers. "Come in," he grumbled, gulping down the last bit of chocolate.

A blonde-haired teenager in a scruffy suit stepped through the threshold.

"Ah, yes... our newest employee has arrived..." stammered Ray, taken aback; for he had imagined a much more mature individual from what he'd seen on the resume. "Why don't you have a seat and we'll discuss how things work around here."

"Hey! Listen!"

What in the-- that couldn't possibly be the boy speaking, could it?

"Excuse me--" the boy said, reaching into his pocket. "Just one moment, please."

"Watch out!"

Then Ray thought he heard the boy pull a cell-phone out of his pocket and... whisper to it to shut up before grinning forcedly in his direction.

Ray simply stared onward at the door on the other side of the room, wondering if he had made the right decision in hiring this childish figure.

"Hello?" the boy said into the phone's mouthpiece.

There was a rather short pause before he shouted, "LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, WILL YOU? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! Is this man the 'Great Deku Tree?' Well guess what? His last name's DEKU, but he's NOT a TREE!! I would _advise _you not to dial this number again, do you hear me?" And he hung up the phone with a flourish.

Seeing Ray's very afraid and shocked expression, the boy grinned again and told him, "prank caller," as if that put an end to the matter. He then shoved the phone back into his pocket and sat down at the opposite end of the desk.

Ray instantly snapped back into focus. "Yes, well, if we are finally done with all that nonense, let me explain to you what your first assigment will be."

"Uh-huh?"

"You will log onto the computer third from the right as you walk in on _this _floor using _this _password," he told the lad, scribbling the needed information on a small torn bit of paper. "Then I would like you to use -- you are familiar with that, aren't you? -- to research the Achaearanea Tepidariorum. You will print the results and send them up to me in this very office. It's as simple as that!"

"The common house spider...?"

'Yes, that's it. Now, hurry along. We don't want this little errand to take all day, for we have much more important jobs to take care of in the near future."

"...huh?"

"Fly, Link, Fly; for the fate of the forest -- nay, of the world -- depends upon thee."

"What are you talking about...?"

"GO!" Ray shouted, pressing the paper with the scribbled information written on it into Link's hand and shoving him towards the door.

"But- Mr. Deku, I'm not- quite sure what you meen by--"

The door slammed shut.

"And good riddance..." Ray sighed, glad to be rid of him.

(AUTHOR's NOTE:)

Sheesh! Four chapters and link hasn't even left the forest. Well, that's for next chapter. Srry it took me a little longer to update, I was on vacation for the weekend in Algonquin Park.


	5. A Pistol for Link

Chapter Five: A Pistol for Link

Link wandered the halls of the giant building, nervously fingering the piece of paper in his hand.

_It's official: I have absolutely no clue what I'm supposed to be doing._

What was this, anyway? He had waited two weeks for this job. Now, after finally being employed, where was he? Nowhere, that's where.

"Excuse me, can I help you?"

Link turned to the owner of the voice and was struck silent.

"_Can I help you?_"

The words had no meaning to Link, for he was standing in front of the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his life. She had short green hair, stood about five-foot-six and was wearing the most gorgeous pendant around her neck...

The woman rolled her eyes in disgust and continued walking in the opposite direction.

Link shook out of his trance and called back to her. "Wait!"

She turned and eyed him dissaprovingly. "Ready to talk, now?"

He shook his head. "I didn't catch your name."

"That's because I didn't give it to you."

There was a log, uncomfortable moment of silence before Link spoke up. "Um... hi, my name is lost and I'm kind of Link..."

Again, a long silence. The woman said, "that's nice," and was about to turn away when Link stopped her.

"Start again?" he asked.

"That _might _be a good idea."

"Okay..."

Another silence.

"I'm Link," he told her, whether she wanted to know or not. At least he got that part right...

"Okay," siad the woman, "I'm Saria. Nice to meet you. New employee?"

"Yeah," said Link. "You're really beautiful."

There was another awkward silence.

"Do you mind if I start... over... one more time?"

"It's a _little _too late for that, but I don't have time for this, okay? I have to be somewhere, and..."

"No, no..." Link shook his head. "I mean... please don't, it's just... well, I kind of think you're pretty, that's all."

"That's fine, but--"

"I was just wondering if you could point me in the direction of..." he pulled the paper out from his pocket. "The second floor? The computer sciences and research department?"

"You're _on _the second floor."

"Oh."

There was another moment in which neither of them spoke, and then she began to walk away again.

"Sorry,' he said, stopping her, "um.. the computer sci..."

"Down the hall and to your left."

"Oh."

She turned away and walked off, shaking her head.

_Damn, what was I thinking? You need to get better with girls, _he told himself. Just then, his phone rang again. He picked it up before he had time to hear that godawlful ring tone, and once again, the speaker's voice was in a high pitch:

"You'll need this before you face gohma!"

He heard the other end hang up, and then, suddenly, without any plausible explanation, IT happened. He felt something materialize in his fingers, like magic, and when he looked down, he was holding a pistol in his right hand.

Link had a hard time deciding whether or not to shoot himself with it...


End file.
